


you always have me

by gummyjennie



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, a bit of angst, chaennie, cute but frustrating, ex gfs are my brand
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-25 13:46:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22497064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gummyjennie/pseuds/gummyjennie
Summary: based on a prompt: “ex gfs but make it seem like they can’t get over each other”
Relationships: Jennie Kim/Park Chaeyoung | Rosé
Comments: 37
Kudos: 101





	1. so pretty that it hurts

they say the best way to be over someone is by getting someone under you. or something like that.

like the saying “get over your ex by means of sex”.

it worked for one of jennie’s best friends, im nayeon, the senior’s notorious play girl. it didn’t worked for a while, just up until she stumbled on the bedsheets with the gamer goddess, myoui mina, and fell completely head over heels. now, she’s a fresh graduate working as a vocal instructor for jyp entertainment and lives in a cute two bedroom loft with mina, who started working also as a dance instructor at the same company as nayeon’s.

so yeah, jennie wants something close to that.

only catch is, it’s sort of impossible for her to move on when your freaking ex girlfriend is none other than park chaeyoung, the university’s angel and student council vice president.

and it’s also hard moving on when chaeyoung is still one of her best friends.

and that she’s in a deep mess when the girl under her finds out that she’s imagining a completely different girl in her head while getting her off.

not that she cares.

jennie hears her name being called, and it’s so distant since all she can see is pink locks sprayed on the bedsheet, small gasps of hot breathe huffing out from plump lips, coffee colored eyes staring right at her, and god, she’s such a goner for park chaeyoung.

she snaps out from her pleasant reverie when the girl beneath her lets out a whine, her nails digging on her shoulders, leaving red marks on her skin, her legs quivering around her waist, and all jennie could think about again is how chaeyoung would softly whisper how good she is against her lips after chasing the high.

“babe, you wore me out,” says the brunette who’s slightly heaving.

jennie only nods, subtly wiping her fingers on the bedsheet, not before getting out of the bed and picking up her clothes from the floor. she sees in her peripheral vision as the brunette wraps a blanket around her chest, staring at her with questions beneath her eyelids.

“you’re not staying?” the brunette asks.

jennie slips her top on, then pulls it down, then clips the button of her skirt at her back. “i don’t do sleepovers, daisy.”

“it’s cassie.” the brunette frowns, and jennie inwardly winces but kept a straight face.

“right, sorry. i gotta go, it’s getting late.”

she hears a distant, “call me again,” as she walks towards the door to wear her sneakers. after tying her shoelaces, she scans the living room for her purse. walking towards the sofa, she grabs her purse as well as her keys.

she walks out the door, not before locking it, and slides inside her car. she opens her phone to check if there’s any messages, and alas, there it is.

park chaeyoung.

jennie opens her message and sighs as she feels another storm of butterflies in her belly. the messages contain an image of her playing with kuma, and another video of her successfully teaching kuma how to shake his paw with her left hand.

rosie 💛: [image attached]

rosie 💛: [video attached]

rosie 💛: kuma knows how to shake my hand!!

jennie tries to think if she should still respond to a message that’s six hours ago, but decides against it. also the fact that she’s positive that her ex slash best friend is already asleep since she hardly functions when it’s beyond midnight.

she places her phone beside and drives towards her place.

twenty minutes before three, she arrives at her place, a cozy apartment she fell in love after she and rosie scoured the city of seoul for five hours.

she remembers rosie saying how their cozy home would be the start of great things that’s destined for them. she remembers rosie smiling so wide that her bright eyes were squinted and she just falls in love all over again. she remembers pulling her close and kissing her soft lips, one hand on her waist, the other on her soft locks, while rosie’s arms were around her neck.

she remembers breaking the kiss when rosie kept smiling due to excitement for the pizza parlor and the ice cream shop just down the block. she laughs as rosie giddily dragged her down the complex, and she just can’t stop staring at how she looks so golden and happy and her heart is so warm when rosie kissed her under the lilac sky.

she misses it.

jennie misses it.

she misses the time where everything was so bright and hopeful and they were just so in love and she really just had to screw it up.

jennie opens her front door, removing her shoes and placing it in the shoe rack just beside the door. she places the paper bag with their breakfast on the table, recalling on how rosie whined a day before that she misses having burritos for breakfast. she walks towards her room and the sight in front of her makes her knees weak and her heart flutter crazily against her chest.

rosie is currently sleeping peacefully on her bed with kuma, wearing her clothes that she left in jennie’s closet. she walks to the bed and pulls the blanket over the blonde’s body, making the latter rustle in response, muttering soft sounds as she slept like a baby.

jennie lightly hovers her fingers over the blonde’s cheekbones, but decides against it in fear that she might wake up and be the cause of another moody, but still cute, chipmunk who was disturbed in her beauty sleep. she draws back her fingers and stands, watching the aussie sleep peacefully.

after showering, jennie contemplates whether should she sleep in the bed with rosie or in the couch, then minutes later, she decides to just crash on her couch that’s way too cold for her body. she opens her bedroom and slowly opens her closet, rummaging for a blanket, then decides to borrow the spare pillow just right beside rosie’s head.

just as she was about to grab the pillow, a hand grasps her wrist and tugs her forward.

“where are you going?” rosie sleepily mumbles, making jennie pause her actions.

“in the couch?” the cat eyed girl answers, slowly twisting her arm to break free from the blonde’s grasp.

“why? the bed’s big enough for the two of us?” rosie says, effectively pulling jennie on the bed and wrapping her arms around her.

jennie stiffens when rosie pulls her by the waist, and snuggles in the crook of neck, her heart going a hundred miles per minute. she hopes that rosie is too sleepy to notice anything, because all she hears right now is the sound of her pulse skyrocketing.

unfortunately, rosie says something that she doesn’t know what to answer.

“jen?” she mumbles against her neck.

jennie hums, fingers already tracing the bare skin on rosie’s tummy. damn habits. 

“rosie?”

“i hope you know that all i wanted is for you to be happy.” the blonde mutters against her neck, jennie’s fingers stills.

it seems like a bucket of cold water suddenly splashed on the older girl that she can’t seem to breathe out properly. like flowers began blooming rapidly on her lungs and all she could breathe out is dandelions and roses and even if it’s so pretty, it goddamn hurts a lot.

so instead, she struggles out a reply, “i know,” and lets the blonde sleep.

with her chest still hurting and her stomach feels all the same way, but make it just like it got ran over the truck several times.

she tells herself that it’s okay, that loving rosie is worth it, and maybe if she kept on loving her, she’ll love her back again, like the way she wanted to the last fourteen months ago.


	2. definitely not a fever dream

the thing that’s stressful about being in the last year of college, is the shit ton of internships required to attend in the college of fashion design. with the stacks of projects and designs needed to submit every end of the month, piles of papers to be written, and a hefty amount of examinations from different classes, it’s a miracle that jennie manages it all.

well, most of the time.

the stress also piles up especially if her friends, and unluckily, also her teammates, can’t seem to get past through the blockage. from the term itself, they can’t seem to create any piece that they’ll be presenting for their midterms.

what’s even worse is that she hasn’t seen park chaeyoung in the last three days, and it’s literally making her go cranky.

yes, sue her cringe-y and clingy ass.

while she knows the stuco vice president is busy with student affairs and school events, as well as practicing her musical piece for the open auditions for the philharmonia orchestra right here in south korea, it wouldn’t really hurt to just send her a simple message or even a call.

jennie groans as jinsoul passes her another half assed design that’s filled with dull colors and even a duller flare on the hem of the dress.

“jinsoul, please.” jennie leans back her chair and runs a hand through her soft brown locks. “stop using pastel green, we already used that last time, right? and what about the hem? we used this during the first project.”

the tall girl nods, exhaustion apparent by the way she sags her shoulders, “sorry, jen. i’m really running out of ideas here.” 

“okay, how about we call this a night.” jeongyeon suggests as she stands up from her desk, “we’ve been at this for over four hours, jen. and baekhyun is already passed out, sooner or later, jinsoul will too.”

jennie glances at the corner of the room, where a sleeping brunette is lying in a sofa too small for his big frame, scattered papers and colored pencils at the table in front of him. she lets out a sigh, then nods, “okay, it’s getting kinda late also, let’s just be back here tomorrow by 9.”

the short haired brunette walks towards jennie, giving her a short hug as a way of saying thanks, then leans back and stares at her.

“you okay there, jen? you seem out of it.” jeongyeon asks, worried that her friend might be pushing herself at the workload.

jennie nods, “i’m fine, it’s just-“ she pauses, not sure if she could say it to her without sounding needy or borderline pathetic. “really tired.”

the taller girl nods, understanding the brunette’s disposition, “this term’s a real killer this year. we all need that six weeks rest.”

jennie slips out a small smile, then bids farewell to her teammates, who in return waves tiredly at her.

half and an hour later, jennie stumbles on her apartment once again, lying face flat on the black sofa, exhaustion heavy on her back. she hears a distant hum somewhere, but shrugs it off as a figment of her imagination or some fever dream.

she almost falls asleep when she feels a poke on her cheek, she raises her head and sees a pair of soft brown eyes staring at her with a hint of amusement and adoration.

“rough day?” chaeyoung asks, resting her chin on her knees, tracing her skin lightly.

jennie nods, then lays her head again on the couch, sense of comfort overtaking her body as her best friend keeps tracing her skin lightly.

“where were you?” she can’t help but ask.

the finger tracing her skin stills, she feels rosie drawback, so she opens her eyes, staring at her expectantly.

“stuco’s been really busy with the year-ender events, so jihyo unnie and i have been running around the uni.” rosie says while fiddling with the pj’s that’s way too familiar for jennie.

“is that mine?” jennie asks, pointing at the blonde’s top.

chaeyoung nods, then stands up and walks by the kitchen. “i got lazy stopping by my apartment, so i just went straight here.”

jennie pushes her weight onto the sofa to sit up and lean on the couch, “you could come back here, you know? this is still your apartment.”

it’s still ours, she thought.

“it’s alright, i know you need your space, just as i need mine.”

“but, you come by here almost every week to sleep, so just come back.” jennie points out, her desperation almost slipping through her voice.

she waits as chaeyoung bites her lip in thought, her gaze elsewhere, and clearly occupied by a new conundrum.

“i’m having a date tomorrow,” chaeyoung says, almost rushed, as if trying to shift the topic to another.

jennie felt the weight of bricks on her chest, obviously, the girl in front of her wants to move on.

and ideally, she should too.

but, in order to do that, she has to put on a distance from her best friend for a while. and knowing how difficult it is for her not to see chaeyoung even if it’s three days, she’s not really looking forward for that stage.

“t-that’s good,” jennie tries to clear her throat that seemed to overfill with sticks and stones, maybe even boulders, “you need to wind down with all the running in the stuco you’ve been doing.”

she shifts her gaze to kuma, her pomeranian dog, that’s currently staring at her with his big adorable eyes. she picks up kuma and sets on her lap, combing his fur, and scratching the spot behind his ears.

she prays that the overwhelming heaviness in her chest will go away, or else, she’ll have another breakdown again at how unfair the world is being right now.

well, unfair is a stretch.

she hears the sound of the fridge opening, so she decides to just, screw it and ask her.

“so, who’s the lucky person?” jennie casually asks, hoping that her voice won’t come out too forced.

a beat of silence passes and jennie looks up and saw chaeyoung staring at her with a gaze that she is familiar of. the type of gaze where she just wants to say everything that’s going on in her head, but is conflicted on where to start.

jennie sends the blonde an encouraging smile, or at least she hoped to be.

“it’s lucas.”

“oh,” jennie holds back a choke. of course, the prick that pestered chaeyoung since the beginning of college, the douche that continuously asked her if she’s even happy with someone like jennie, the pompous ass that keeps on promising her that she’ll do even better than what jennie does best.

of-fucking-course.

there was one time she caught lucas leaning too closely for chaeyoung’s liking, and ended up with her fist colliding with his dumb lips and a trip to the guidance office where both has been given an extensive papers to write as a punishment for disrupting some of the classes.

jennie remembers chaeyoung’s furrowed eyebrows as they drove back to their apartment after their last classes. she remembers her soft eyes filled with worry while nursing her bruised knuckles with a pack of frozen nuggets. she remembers the pink haired girl helping her eat their dinner, and the small kisses she’d plant on her forehead and temple. she remembers her kissing her bruised fist, telling her to promise that she won’t go around punching people anymore.

and she remembers saying that she promises.

she remembers the relief flooding in her face, the brightness in her eyes slowly returning, the tenderness in her smile, and the softness of her lips.

she remembers going on top of chaeyoung, kissing every part of her face, making the aussie giggle with how cheesy she’s become. she remembers the hot gasp of air against her ear when she purposely bit her neck. she remembers chaeyoung’s bright eyes darkening with obvious desire, that she gave everything she deserved to her favorite girl. even with a bruised knuckle.

she remembers the blush on chaeyoung’s annoyed face in the morning, laughing at how red to purple love bites are scattered around her neck. she remembers kissing away the frown on her face, telling her that “everyone needs to know that you’re mine, park chaeyoung.”

she also remembers how chaeyoung said to her back that she is and always will be jennie’s, no matter the circumstances.

with an amazing woman such as chaeyoung herself, it’s really no surprise that persistent admirers would line up and ask for their chances with the vice president slash university’s angel.

jennie meets chaeyoung’s gaze again, smiling a bit stiffly, “i hope you have fun tomorrow.”

she stands up, with kuma in her arms, and heads to her room.

and if she just closed her door a little bit later, she would hear chaeyoung’s frustrated sigh filling the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stuco - student council
> 
> this fic might have ten chapters idk it really depends on how the characters are borderline frustrating and cutesy and shit lmao (also how long i procrastinate)
> 
> more characters to come in later chapters <33
> 
> also!!! loona snapped with so what??!!?
> 
> drop a comment or sumn


	3. the girl code

“so let me get this straight,” jisoo clears her throat, “the girl on my right earlier just ogled at you for a solid ten minutes, stood up, asked you out and you said no? why?” she exasperatedly asks.

“she said ‘hey mama’”, jennie shrugs, “that’s automatically a no for me.”

“but, she’s tall?” jisoo raises her perfect brow.

“excuse me, but my type varies in any height.” jennie gloats, her fingers playing with the soft fur of dalgom, jisoo’s dog.

“yes, but,” jisoo inches forward, as far as she can with the table in between her and jennie. “you have a specific type of taste. i think it’s tall, innocent brown eyes, hair changes color every time she quote unquote, dreams about it, and,” she pauses, “australian accent? correct me if i’m wrong.”

jennie rolls her eyes at her long time friend. she had first met her in kindergarten and became inseparable up to third grade, until she had to move to new zealand and leaving behind the older girl, and luckily kept in contact with her til she went back to south korea for high school.

“you think you’re so funny, don’t you?” jennie replies flatly.

“you didn’t correct me,” jisoo’s lips tugs to a smirk. “still don’t get why you’re still hung up on her, though.”

jennie opens her mouth but jisoo cuts her off when she raises her pointer finger, “ah, don’t. i’ve heard enough of your reasons.”

“then stop asking me,” jennie grumbles, then sips from her steaming mug of tea.

“it was rhetorical,” jisoo teases, then drops the act, “but really, how are you?”

“fine,” jennie shrugs. “she had a date with lucas, so, let’s celebrate to that.”

“oh yeah, i heard him bragging it to his friend earlier in the class.” jisoo purses her lips in thought, “did she stopped by your place?”

jennie shakes her head, “not since she told me about that date.”

“you know how much i care for you, right, jen?” jisoo asks earnestly, and when she sees the younger girl nod, she continues. “i don’t know how to tell you this in another way without you acting like i said something scandalous, but-“

“just spit it out, chu,” jennie sighs.

“you should move out and find another place to stay.”

jisoo sees the girl freeze at the mention of ‘move out’, and knowing jennie, she knows that she’s searching for pathetic refutes on why she shouldn’t.

“and before you say you can’t because of some bull crap excuse like contracts and stuff,” jisoo says, relentless to help her best friend of more than a decade, “i know you don’t want to, but you sorta have to. this whole being hung up on her isn’t healthy.”

“i know,” jennie groans, “it just feels that it really happened, you know? like one second ago, you’re just reading a book beside the love of your life and the next second, she’s gone. like poof, gone.”

she forces out a huge breathe, keeping her emotions in bay so she won’t have another episode of college breakdown in a cafe. 

“look, as much as i care for chaeyoung too, you’re more important, okay? and you know i just want what’s best for you.” jisoo pats the younger girl’s head, “think about it okay?”

“yeah, okay,” jennie’s shoulders sag a bit and it gets noticed by her best friend.

“i know what will cheer you up,” jisoo proudly grins, “a classic party that will make you forget your dumb ex.”

“she’s your best friend too,” jennie reminds the proud owner of dalgom.

“and she’s yours too,” jisoo retorts, “seriously, how do you even? are you a masochist?”

jennie rolls her eyes, ‘yes’ at the tip of her tongue, because who in the right state of mind would continue being friends, no, BEST friends with your ex?

only her, of course.

“you make it sound like chaeyoung’s a sadist when she can’t even hurt a fly.”

“well,” jisoo singsongs, “she did hurt you. after you did, for sure.”

“can you drop it?” jennie tiredly asks, “it was so long ago.”

‘or a year and six months.’ she thoughts.

“i know, but it’s still funny.” jisoo laughs, “you both were really fucking stupid, it makes me laugh how you two broke up.”

“i’m glad that our mutual misery that happened a year ago still gives you entertainment up to this day.” jennie sarcastically says, while coos when dalgom barks at her.

“why don’t you just get back together again? i mean, you both learned something for sure. both of you are-“ jisoo suddenly stops.

“both of us are what?” jennie raises an eyebrow, but jisoo only grins teasingly.

“girl code, sorry bro,” jisoo almost laughs at how stupefied jennie looks.

“what girl code?” jennie frowns, also, a tad bit irritated, “has she been talking to you about me?”

“about the both of you, but, alas,” jisoo sighs dramatically, her hand on her chest, “ i cannot tell more.”

“and why the hell not?”

“because,” jisoo gives a coy smile, “i like this angsty pining that you both do.”

“what?” jennie admits the she’s starting to get confused about this whole situation that she’s in. and that she’s seconds away from smacking jisoo’s face with her right palm if she continues doing that thing with her eyebrows.

“so the party,” jisoo smiles widely, and completely leaving no room to get back on the previous topic. “i’ll pick you up this friday and we’ll have a blast! i promise you that.”

jennie looks at jisoo in wonder of how did this son of a bitch got herself a relationship with the ever caring and sweet as an apple pie, kang seulgi, when she’s that?

“what the hell, fine.” she leans back to her chair and starts to wonder when did chaeyoung start to tell jisoo about them. and if she still does, did it mean that there might be a minuscule of chance that they can fix the not-so-massive shift between them? and ‘pining you both do’? so she’s not the only one who wants to work it out again, right?

that, or jisoo has gone batshit crazy ever since seulgi unnie limited their nightly activities because jisoo keeps on skipping morning classes.

but if that thought is on a scale of possibility, compare to last year, both of them surely have grew a lot, more so jennie. she had learned the hard way of the stuff that she tried to ignore growing up. she even went to therapy for it, courtesy of nayeon and jisoo’s nagging, and she can proudly say that she’s getting better.

for herself.

and for chaeyoung.

“you still there wonder girl?” jisoo pokes jennie’s cheek.

“sorry, what did you say?” she shakes her head and swats away the annoying finger touching her face.

“i said, chaeyoung’s up on the counter.” jennie turns behind her to see the tall blonde wearing a sundress, clearly not charmed by the guy who hits on her as she grimaces at his probably pathetic pick up lines.

“i love my girlfriend and all, but honestly, if you weren’t so in love with her during high school til now, i’d hit that.”

jennie turns her head to jisoo, “i’m telling seulgi unnie.”

“she’ll probably tell you the same,” the older girl grins nonchalantly. “oh, she’s going our way, quick, jen, don’t act pathetically in love!”

“oh fu-“ jennie doesn’t get the chance to finish her, and by finish her, she means by choking the shit out of her, the tall blonde is already near at their table. she continues to glare at jisoo, and hears the soft voice behind her.

“jisoo unnie! i didn’t know you liked going to this cafe with dalgom,” chaeyoung greets jisoo with a smile before she pauses when she sees the person in front of her.

“jennie, hi.”

jennie always liked her name slipping out behind the lips that she, still, adored. with her heart going berserk at the sound of her name being spoken with such gentleness and a hint of surprise, she looks anywhere but the blonde.

“out for a coffee break?” she asks while pretending to scroll on her phone while drinking her tea, then realizing later that her question is stupid because for obvious reasons, chaeyoung’s holding a cup of coffee and that she knows the habits of the blonde by heart. 

“yeah,” chaeyoung halfheartedly shrugs, “mr. jung emailed me after my nine am econ saying that two students suddenly signed up for the tutoring class. i have to pass by the library to pick up books then head back to the campus for the tutoring.”

“that sounds exhausting, chaeng,” jisoo notes the tired sag of her shoulders. “i thought a bunch of other students signed up to tutor the helpless students?”

“yeah, none of them replied back to the prof so, here i am.” chaeyoung adjusts the strap of her shoulder bag.

“how about haseul? or jin?” jennie looks up, can’t help but ask, also worried for the state of her friend. ha friend.

“haseul’s got class and jin is with a professor on jeju island for a conference,” chaeyoung smiles, exhaustion clear on her face. she glances at her watch and sees the time, “well, i gotta go, bye unnies.” she sends one last smile to the both of them before turning away.

jennie watches chaeyoung walk out to the cafe, half of her mind telling her to at least help her to pick up the books, and the other reminding her that she’s not obligated to help her. 

in a deep thought, she doesn’t notice the incoming slap on her shoulder, only hissing in pain when it was done.

“what the fuck?” jennie glares at jisoo.

“help her, dimwit.” jisoo urges, “i know you want to.”

“but-“

“just go, jen. i’ll text you later.” jisoo exasperatedly says, and watches the dumpling girl pack up her stuff hastily, gives her a quick hug, before she runs outside the cafe to help the love of her life. 

“idiots, aren’t they, dalgomie?” jisoo coos at her dog, sleeping peacefully on his spot beside her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kim jisoo *cue heart eyes*
> 
> this is more of a filler chapter, but i promise, you’ll see more of chaennie’s past, chaennie’s present pining, and more chaennie in the future <3
> 
> fun fact: i deleted the original chapter 3, like all of it, so i had to rewrite it again because i’m indecisive as hell??? and if u don’t like this chapter, comment below or sumn
> 
> btw the pinks are serving the last few days im so well fed TT


	4. nothing with you

_ THREE YEARS AGO _

burned out is a term for people who are too fragile to handle pressure and stress. those who give in to the heat aren’t destined for great success, and that they’re probably the type to procrastinate in times of distress.

at least, that’s what jennie’s dad taught her all her life.

jennie never gets burned out, not even during all throughout high school. despite of the entrance essays, exams, and challenging assignments that needs to be submitted the day after tomorrow, she tackled it all with a cool and composed head.

but now, she definitely does not feel that usual composure she has. see, her day had started awfully, so to say.

and it’s only the second semester of her freshman college life.

she really does not deserve this.

first, she woke up with a cold space beside her. although the cute note by her phone helped a bit, but the crankiness jammed up again when her pinky toe got accidentally rammed by the study chair as she was walking out the room.

next, a dumb student stupidly spilled some hot coffee on her chanel top, luckily she brought her favorite sweater along with her, but it still pissed her off that the student had bowed down ninety degrees before running away with a tail on his legs.

then, she forgot her laptop charger at the apartment, and she had to borrow one from one of the most annoying student who keeps asking her out even if he knows that she is now in a relationship with someone who is an absolute wonder and sunshine.

not only that, it seemed like all of the professors had some hidden agenda on her, and suddenly dropped essays, assignments and exams all in due two days from now.

and on the top of that, she hasn’t seen her girlfriend since early in the morning, and it’s making her exceptionally irritated. all throughout the day, her friends had to suffer her horrible mood. but really, who could blame jennie for being like this when there’s so much displeasing moments in one day?

she almost had a fight with nayeon because the brunette had stepped down a foot and said that if she doesn’t stop with her crankiness, she’ll call on her girlfriend and tell her how horrible she is being today.

that resulted in an equally irritated nayeon, ahappy-go-lucky jisoo, a laughing jeongyeon, and an even more stressed joohyun.

so yes, she is having a bad day.

thankfully, she is on her way home, already feeling a lot better when she thinks about who’s waiting on her back at their shared apartment. her heart flutters at the possibility of seeing the cheeky brunette again, with her dazzling smile, her bright doe eyes, her adorable pouts, and her silky voice.

she hurriedly walks home.

(she can’t stop smiling at the word  _ home _ .)

jennie opens the door, and the first thing that greets her is a humming brunette by the kitchen. she watches as the she stirs the pot with a wooden spoon, slightly moving her body to the sensual voice of jhene aiko.

she sets down her books by the table, as well as her bag, and slips her arms around the brunette’s waist. she hears a surprised squeak, and laughs as the brunette lets out curses with her accent.

“jen, that’s not nice, okay? what if i was holding a knife?”

jennie places a kiss on the brunette’s neck, “i’m sorry, not gonna happen again.”

“how’s your cold? still there?” the brunette turns and cups the back of the hand on her neck.

“i’m completely fine,” she grabs her hand and lays it on her lips, “worried, rosie?”

“of course, i am.” chaeyoung says, her eyes full of concern.

“i’d kiss you if i don’t smell awful right now.”

she sees chaeyoung sniff and tilts her head on the side, “you smell fine?”

“i smell like a cheap coffee by the vending machine,” jennie growls, “some kid spilled his coffee on my limited edition chanel shirt.”

“i’m sure the stain will disappear when we do the laundry tomorrow.” chaeyoung smiles at her and lets her cup her cheeks. “so just to be sure, you won’t kiss me?”

jennie stares at chaeyoung’s eyes, a teasing glint just behind those pretty brown eyes, and she knows that she lost all of herself, as well as dignity, the moment she stood in this kitchen and hugged her from behind.

she huffs and tugs the brunette closer, “you’re so lucky that i’m in love with you.”

jennie feels that familiar buzz and flutters running all throughout her body, and welcomes it with open arms as her lips brushes against chaeyoung’s.

with her hand on the brunette’s waist, and the other on the soft slope of her neck, she pulls her closer, and inwardly sighs in content as they continue to kiss under the kitchen light, with bruno major’s voice flowing through the air.

this.

this is the only thing that could turn her day around and rejoice for being alive.

here, in chaeyoung’s arms, with the erratic beating on her chest, the warmth that fills in her stomach, and the happiness that overflows in her.

this is what she needs.

jennie just needs chaeyoung, and everything is all okay. 

eventually, chaeyoung pushes her away, and though jennie tries to kiss her again, the former resists because the food will be ruined. and though, she insists to chaeyoung that, “i only need you to live”, the brunette laughs at her cheesiness that she ends up smiling too widely, showing off her gummy smile, and in turn, chaeyoung coos at her and peppers her kisses (and adoration) all over her face.

she tries to glare, but really, she can’t when she’s on cloud nine.

as jennie sits in front of the table, she never stops staring lovingly at chaeyoung. always following her with a smile on her face. of course, the brunette feels it too, and tries to hide the growing blush on her cheeks.

almost a year of dating and they still act like this.

“stop staring, kim jennie.” chaeyoung reprimands the cat eyed girl with a love struck smile on her face.

“i think that an art like you needs to be appreciated all the time, so no.” jennie says smoothly, a small pride growing on her as the brunette rolls her eyes, blush evident on her cheeks.

“why are you so-“ chaeyoung shakes her head and bites her lip, she knows that her embarrassment is clearly seen, so she sets down the plates and their dinner on the table. still aware of the insistent gaze on her.

after dinner, they wash the dishes together, still talking lightly about what happened during their day.

jennie still feels warmth on her chest every time she makes chaeyoung laugh, still melts every time she sees her squint her eyes when she says something too cheesy, still falls when she gives her the smile that’s only for her.

jennie still falls in love and hopes she never stops.

after taking a bath, jennie spots her in her pajamas, reading a book by the bed on her side. she sees chaeyoung look up and gives her this soft look that makes her heart race, her breath hitch, and sadly, stutter like some schoolgirl who has a crush.

“w-what’s with that look?” jennie clears her throat, pink flushes her neck.

“what look?” chaeyoung playfully asks, knowing full well what her girlfriend pertains at. “i just believe that art needs to be appreciated.”

jennie rolls her eyes, “very funny coming from an art student.”

“taking an art class as an elective does not mean, i am one.” chaeyoung says as the cat eyed girl slips under the covers.

jennie plucks the book from her lover’s hands, ignoring the complains of ‘almost at the best part’, and straight up kisses her, hoping to convey the feelings inside of her.

“i missed you too,” chaeyoung whispers on her lips, and jennie really can’t help it and kisses her again.

she always knew that strawberry-mint combination are disgusting on ice cream, but she knew too that it’s addictive when it’s on chaeyoung’s.

jennie places her palm against chaeyoung’s pulse by the neck, and the other on the soft and luscious hair. she can feel that the brunette’s pulse beating irregularly, can feel the gasp against her mouth as she tugs her hair a bit, can feel the hot palms sliding inside her shirt and on her skin.

jennie is the first to pull away, resting her forehead on hers, she slowly opens her eyes and sees the brunette’s cheeks are flushed so prettily; her lips swollen and pink from her bites; and her eyes, god, her eyes are dark yet they still shine so, so beautifully.

“park chaeyoung, i am so in love with you, and i don’t think i can ever stop.” she confesses, her stare only at the brunette in front of her, letting her fingers softly caress her skin.

chaeyoung plants a light kiss on her lips, her eyes lighting up despite the dimness of the moon. “i hope you don’t stop, because i plan on doing the same.” 

jennie rarely likes knowing the future, and though she knows what she wants to be, and how she’ll get what she wants, she still doesn’t like to know what will happen from here to there.

she doesn’t want to look back and disappoint herself when she fails to achieve what she wants.

but, this.

this is different.

she continues to hope that in the future, she still has this.

that she still has the happiness in her heart.

that she still feels hopeful for tomorrow despite of the academic pressures.

that she still has chaeyoung in her arms.

because nothing, absolutely nothing, can ruin her if she has chaeyoung in her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know i suck but here’s 100% fluff <333
> 
> really sorry for late updates BUT as a sorry gift, i’ll be posting an update this week (hopefully if i’m happy with it)
> 
> as well as a new chaennie fic!!
> 
> clue: angst - pining - fluff - more angst - more pining - fLUFF - maybe or maybe not a happy ending but who knows c:


	5. starlights and supernovas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise?

jennie flips another page in her sketchbook, unsatisfied and frustrated by her designs. it’s been two hours since she came in the library, and she told herself that she should at least finish five new designs for the group submission, and another five for individual work. to add on top of the stress, all drawings should be of relation to the theme, _Earth Day_ , which sounds easy, but really, it’s not. she sighs and leans back from her chair as she focuses her attention ten feet away, where her best friend, rosie, is tutoring a purple haired weirdo.

the blonde has her hair in an elegant braid, giving the perfect view of her defined side profile, with her glasses perched cutely on her shapely nose. and when chaeyoung senses her gaze, she turns to her and smiles.

 _cute_ , jennie nods in acknowledgement to the blonde. she knows that they have to talk about _it_ , and by _it_ , she means the whole apartment thing. and maybe her need to take a break from all of park chaeyoung. 

jisoo is right. pining over someone who’s clearly moved on isn’t healthy for her anymore. and jennie needs to start somewhere, right? she figures that she can’t just suddenly stop thinking about what could have been with chaeyoung _again_ , so might as well start with somewhere small.

she sees the student with purple hair draw his chair closer to chaeyoung, and she has a feeling that he’s just pretending to be confused in order to score her best friend. she holds herself back, keeps chanting in her head that they’re not together anymore and it doesn’t matter if he keeps showing his stupid dimple and that chaeyoung, unaware of the actions and checks over to see the paper, but the guy keeps getting closer and-

a screech was heard throughout the hall, and seconds later, jennie is suddenly at chaeyoung’s side.

“hey, it’s getting late, are you almost done?” she places her hand on the blonde’s shoulder, and subtly glares at the purple haired weirdo.

“oh, what time is it?” chaeyoung grabs her phone and winces when she sees the time. “oops, i didn’t realise that i’d held you up for fifteen minutes.”

“it’s alright chaeyoung-ssi, i learned a lot,” the purple haired guy quickly says, his dimple out and jennie really wants to punch it. “same time next week?”

“yeah, but you’ll have a different tutor.” the blonde quirks her nose, and it takes all of jennie’s strength not to slide the glasses up herself. “just remember the mnemonics, and you’ll be fine, jaehyun-ssi.”

a dimple appears as he stands up, “thanks. so listen, if you’re not busy, would you like to go grab a coffee with me?“

 _what?_ _is he actually serious?_ jennie snarks inside her head, but steels herself away.

“i’m actually a bit swamped right now, so i’m gonna have to decline.” chaeyoung rejects kindly, the tall guy’s shoulders slumping just a bit. “we have to go now, see you around.”

when the blonde easily slips her fingers with jennie, and annoyingly (not), it still brings the familiar sparks that runs through her arms. when they pass by her table, she swiftly picks up her items and places them in the bag. her hand, once again, cradling the blonde’s- she does miss the slight hitch in chaeyoung’s breathing- but they make their way out of the library without much of a sentence.

the sun was setting; giving them a pretty view of pastel purple sky kissing the fiery red of the sun. jennie glances at chaeyoung, and as expected, the blonde is looking above, her profile all golden and bright and otherworldly. a rush of emotions fills up her chest, begging to be let out, to be _known_. she thinks of how if they’re still together, she would’ve stopped walking, and rosie would’ve stared at her with a confused expression, and ask what’s wrong. and instead of replying, she would just pull her close by the waist, and most likely give her a kiss. no, _kisses_. she would’ve given her lots and lots until the blonde starts laughing, red-faced, eyes impossibly bright and glittered with starlight, and she’ll probably tell her to stop because they’re in public but deep inside, she lives for the affection given to her.

and then, rosie would’ve said _those_ words. she would say them so gently and full of affection and warmth, and jennie would’ve sighed. let herself fall even more.

but that’s all to it. a ‘would’ve’.

though it doesn’t stop jennie from pausing from her steps. rosie notices it immediately, and stares at her. somehow, the nameless shift in her eyes brings a sort of calmness in jennie. she wants to ask the questions; what happened with her previous date? why is she still letting her hold her hand? has she really moved on? does she still love her?

and among those questions, none of them were uttered.

“dinner at my place?”

there are moments where jennie secretly appreciates how in sync she is with chaeyoung. maybe it’s because they’ve been best friends for such a long time, and then they became lovers, and then friends again; though she’d like to think it’s more than. what they have is more than anything else. at least, that’s what her hopeless self still believes up to this very day. 

the warmth settles once again in between her ribcage, coddling the centrepiece of her existence, as she stares at the glow of park chaeyoung under the kitchen light. after all these years, she still remains ethereal. jennie automatically opens her mouth as chaeyoung wordlessly raises the spoon dipped in a red sauce. 

the blonde looks at her expectantly, “a bit more salt?”

jennie nods, “just a little bit.”

she watches as rosie tips the saltshaker, and contemplates on bringing up their ‘talk’ that’s way too overdue. she knows that she keeps putting it off, and understands that it’s easier to just get over it sooner or later. but like any normal person, the fear of the unknown grapples her relentlessly. the echoes in her mind repeats in such a feat- telling her that what they have is _enough_. that she’s lucky enough to keep loving her even in this state.

but, _god_ , she’s selfish and greedy and she just wants _more_.

she’ll take up any chance she could get. all she has to do is to do the first step and _ask_.

jennie releases a nervous breath after arranging the plates and utensils in their tiny table. she remembers fighting this very cute table with chaeyoung, told her that they should get the circle instead of the usual four corners. she argued that the corners would just hinder her chance in siding with blonde easily, and the latter just laughs and calls her silly. and they did end up getting it, with a lot of ‘thank you’ kisses and maybe a few orgasms that sated the blonde so well that she had to be carried to bed by jennie.

“are you okay?” chaeyoung asks, eyes filled with concern and frown lines in between her brows that jennie itches to straighten.

“i just,” she bites her lip, “can we talk? after dinner?”

“of course,” the blonde replies, then pauses for a while, “is it related to us?”

jennie just nods, her mind too preoccupied to notice the lingering stare from the younger girl. dinner was casual. just the right amount of half awkward and half normal- as normal as two exes trying to find a way to just make everything _work_. because they’re best friends first before anything else. they promised that they wouldn’t let anything tore that apart. and so far, they’re doing just _fine_.

after washing the dishes, jennie takes out two mugs and pours a healthy amount of cheap champagne- they still have classes tomorrow- and brings it (with the bottle) over the sofa where chaeyoung is busy giving kisses to the pomeranian ball of fluff. she sits adjacently to the blonde, still unsure of how to start without ending up on her knees, begging to give them a second chance.

chaeyoung must’ve noticed the beverage and raises an eyebrow.

“i promise to wake you up on time,” jennie chuckles, sipping on her glass.

“kuma’s getting thin,” the blonde observes while rubbing the belly of the hairy dog.

“trust me, he needs it. mom gave him too much during the exams, so i’m doing this diet thing with him.”

“oh, i’m sorry i couldn’t take him. no pets allowed at my place.” chaeyoung pouts.

jennie decides to take the opening, “well, you could take this place again. i’m moving out.”

“what?” the tall girl snaps her attention to the dark haired girl. “but why?”

“you know the reason, rosie.” she says softly, as if the weight in her chest isn’t crushing her. t _his place reminds me too much of you, and i need to get over you._

“jennie,” chaeyoung sighs, sadness filling her irises. “i’m sorry, i-“

“hey, no,” she takes the blonde’s hand, “don’t apologise, you didn’t do anything wrong.” she sees chaeyoung open her mouth to say something, but holds herself back. the blonde’s grip on hers tightens, her eyes conveying so much emotions that jennie finds it devastatingly beautiful. she brings up the hand and presses a kiss on the palm.

“can i ask you something?” she mumbles, lips hovering over the skin. the blonde slowly nods, squeezing jennie’s hand in return. “why did you say no to me back then? after our fight?”

chaeyoung appears to be stunned, not expecting such question.

“why didn’t you want us try again?”

jennie tries to swallow the hurt when chaeyoung retrieves her hand from her grasp. she attempts to act nonchalant about it by downing the rest of the drink and refilling it. truth to be told, it was _that_ question that has been bothering her for the longest time. she just doesn’t get it. she knew that they love each other back then, and that maybe it was their worst fight, but she believes in them. 

(she still does.)

so when she heard chaeyoung’s refusal to try again, she heard her heart breaking all over. and if not for jisoo, she would’ve begged on her knees in front of lisa’s front door all day until the younger girl changes her mind.

“i just didn’t’t think it was a good idea,” chaeyoung hugs her arms around her knees, her stare on the floor.

“but why?” jennie needs an answer, or she’ll forever wander in the ‘what ifs’ and ‘what could’ve beens’

“during the fight-“ the blonde lets out a shaky breathe, “we hurt each other _so much_ , jennie.”

there are tears forming at the corner of her eyes, and jennie wants to kiss it away. “and after that, i just realised that i couldn’t endure another of that. you’re my best friend, jen. hurting you again is the last thing i ever want to do.”

“but you’re hurting me now, rosie.” jennie admits, the stinging in her chest increases with every drop of tear in chaeyoung’s eyes.

“i’m s-sorry,” chaeyoung wipes the wetness on her cheeks with her wrist. “i’m trying not to, i swear, jennie. i just want you to be happy.”

“but i’m happy with you-“

“you weren’t,” the blonde’s voice is filled with pain, “we were always fighting, and when we’re not, we don’t talk. you flinch whenever i touch you, you act defensive when i ask if you’re okay, you- you shut me out, jennie.”

chaeyoung was shaking now, her sobs were ripping jennie’s insides apart and she just wants to do something.

“i know your dad left you, jen. i was there, and i tried my _hardest_ to be there for you. so when you decided that you weren’t worth of anything else, you also decided that you weren’t for me. did you know how painful it was that you pushed me away because you were _so_ convinced that i deserve better? 

“who were you to decide what is right for me?” chaeyoung was now glaring at her, a year of repressed emotions rising out, fat angry tears falling freely on her red cheeks. “you- you just-“

jennie can’t take it anymore. she leans forward and kisses her.

they kiss with such intensity- years of longing and hurting and love and anger and everything in between is felt as their lips press against each other. jennie feels the familiar rush of sparks coursing through her skin; it’s so dizzying and electrifying and breathtaking and- it feels so _right_. 

after a year of not being with chaeyoung, everything is just so much _more_ , and jennie feels hope sprouting in her. she slows down the kiss by gently placing her hands on the shapely jaw. she feels the damp skin, and brushes it with her thumb, still not letting their lips break. chaeyoung pulls her by the shirt, asking for more, and jennie almost wants to give it to her.

jennie breaks the kiss, and she already misses it on hers, and it seems that chaeyoung also does. she stares at the latter’s dark eyes, the soft huffs from the girl’s lips driving jennie crazy. 

“i love you,” jennie says with such conviction that she feels the pulse on chaeyoung’s neck racing. “i will never shut you out again, just please. _please_ , come back to me.”

“jennie-“

“i’m doing better, i promise. give me a chance, rosie. give _us_ a chance.”

underneath her skin, she feels the blonde shiver as their lips brush ever so softly once more. there’s a clear hesitance on chaeyoung’s eyes, and jennie understands. but it doesn’t deter her, it only urges her to prove to chaeyoung that she’s serious. she wants this badly.

jennie loves chaeyoung too much just to let her go without so much of a fight.

“what if we hurt each other again?” the fear seeps in chaeyoung’s words, “i can’t handle that again, jennie.”

“i can’t do much about our future selves hurting each other,” jennie’s heart warms as the blonde laughs wetly, “but, i do promise this: we’ll go through it together. i don’t want to lose you again.”

“i don’t want that too,” chaeyoung mumbles, her eyes searching for any doubt on jennie’s and sees none. “okay.”

jennie thinks her heart has stopped. “you mean-“

“yes, i want us to try aga-“ she gets cut off by jennie kissing her again.

“i love you,” jennie says in between deep kisses. “i really do.”

chaeyoung gently pushes jennie, trying to catch her breathe. the latter only leans again, but instead of kissing her on the lips, she kisses everywhere. her forehead, her eyes, her nose, her cheeks, her chin- chaeyoung feels her heart soaring. she catches jennie’s lips with hers once again, not caring about her fears and doubts for a while because they’re okay. jennie is getting better and that’s what matters.

“i love you too,” she sighs against the older girl’s lips, and jennie’s eyes light up like a supernova.

both of them know that they have a lot to talk about, a lot to fix and maybe a lot to pack (chaeyoung’s). but what matters the most now is that they’re together, in each others’ arms, and that they’re finally home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's what i call a satisfying chapter (or at least for me ahhaha)
> 
> i just want you all to know (esp those who NEEDED it to know) that you are all worth every piece of love this world has to offer. ily!!
> 
> thank you guys for all the support (and patience) that you have given me for this crazy, crazy year. so here's a little present for all those who waited for YAHM (ily y'all i aint joking) !!! <3 <3 <3
> 
> watch out for a few more surprises hehe
> 
> (btw my old acc got suspended wtff so i created a new one!! follow @khjroses if yall want idk it’s not mandatory i promise)
> 
> merry christmas!! ^o^ <3


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